My Story
„I realized that I had merely strayed from my path for a moment, and instead of consciously taking the reins of my life, I voluntarily cast myself in the role of a victim.“
„I slid down to the floor and leaned my head against the just-slammed door. What will I do now? I felt completely terrible. Alone, pregnant, and with shattered faith in myself. Everything that mattered to me, who I thought I was, had turned into a pile of ashes in just a few weeks. In my head was the belief that I couldn’t handle this. I crawled into bed and tried to fall asleep. And I had no idea that the worst was yet to come…“
I couldn’t fall asleep. With a sigh, I got up and headed to the kitchen. I sat down under the window, mindlessly poured myself tea, and realized that my situation was definitely not rosy. Since childhood, I had wanted to have a complete family, write books, help people, and create something with deeper meaning. And now what… reality was completely opposite.
I had failed completely. My dream of a complete family was just an illusion, and announcing it to everyone would be a nightmare. I had a book sitting unfinished in my drawer for five years, and as a single mom, I could only dream about starting my own project. I began to wallow in it. In self-pity… I had taken the wrong approach to my life, even though everything seemed different just a few months ago.
What would I do? For long weeks, I pondered my own incompetence. I got up late, tormented myself with self-blaming thoughts, and couldn’t break free from this terrible destructive cycle. I couldn’t find the strength within myself to change anything. Where had that strong girl who had traveled through 53 countries around the world a few years ago disappeared to?
I was bathing in self-pity, and by constantly replaying negative thoughts, I kept myself captive in painful and hurtful feelings. I was experiencing one of the worst periods of my life, and almost no one knew. I didn’t want words of comfort, motivational talks, or spending time with friends.
When I was at the edge of my mental strength, I gave birth prematurely. It might sound like a cliché, but at first sight of my son, I fell in love. His blue-green penetrating eyes burned through me completely, even though they say a newborn baby cannot see well. He could see into my soul, and I felt energy returning to my soul and body that had been tormented for months.
Days went by, my son and I settled into our rhythm, and I finally decided. I would create the project of my dreams, start a blog, finish my book, and find lost happiness. I would inspire others with my journey because what better stimulus is there than a concrete story of someone who succeeded?
Although I had doubts about myself and constantly pondered in my thoughts whether I would succeed when I was taking care of a baby alone all day, not getting much sleep, and dealing with many other worries.
Questions like: „Will people be interested? Are you convinced that your failure will inspire anyone?“ and many others haunted me every moment. But I made a decision and often repeated my grandfather’s words, „who does nothing, spoils nothing.“ Besides, I knew 100% that I never wanted to return to the managerial position where I had realized myself before I started my business.
An opportunity to radically change the quality of my life. I started the very next day. I established a strict order, slept a few hours each day, and strictly divided the rest of my time.
Every day I spent the morning and afternoon outside with the stroller, finishing my first book on benches, and when my son slept, I was creating a plan for my project. Meanwhile, I ran with the stroller, met with friends, and slowly opened myself to a completely new life path.
I remembered my childhood, my grandfather, who became a solid centerpoint of my life at an early age. He was a well-read man with a broad life perspective, and because of him, I longed to discover the world, live, know, and be able. I remembered the days after my grandfather died when I was not quite 15, and how my whole world collapsed.
At the same time, I thought about the moment when my grandfather, at a certain stage of his illness, prepared me for this possibility. After his death, I temporarily stopped speaking. Fortunately, time managed to at least partially heal even the greatest wounds.
And only now did I perceive with my whole being what my grandfather had tried to tell me back then.
I began to write my thoughts, observations, and inner processes word by word on paper. I felt that this was my path. What I enjoyed and what fulfilled me. I longed to write, inspire others, and help them overcome their pain and traumas. But…
Even though I had helped many people before as a nutritional therapist, fitness trainer, and therapist, even though people came to me with their pains, it wasn’t enough to fulfill my desires. I could put their body and mind together, and yet it wasn’t enough for me to see a meaningful scheme for my dream project. Besides, I couldn’t split myself in two and help a larger number of clients.
Slowly I was losing motivation; reality was taking the wind out of my sails. Besides, I didn’t see anyone around me who had similar ambitions or vision. And so I began to stagnate and continued to make a living with what I was used to.
When my son slept, I conducted online consultations, and then I continued to ponder how to do it. On one forest walk, the puzzle pieces called „dream fulfillment“ began to fall into place for me. I had been carrying my project in my head for years, and only now was it finally beginning to take concrete shape.
Everything was coming together in my head, and I realized that I had found the key to what I longed for. But instead of turning it in the imaginary lock and unlocking the next stage of my life, something happened that knocked me down with full intensity again.
In September 2016, when my son was 10 months old, my mother suddenly died. She was 62 years old. Cardiac arrest. No one expected it; it happened three weeks after our return from a trip to Greece together. Two weeks later, my friend died. A van driver didn’t give her right of way at an intersection. And a week later, my grandmother on my father’s side died?
I asked myself: „Why is this happening to me? How am I supposed to handle this?“ These were the worst and most painful weeks of my life. I fell into a state of total hopelessness. Every day I headed to the cemetery. There, with the stroller, under the crowns of trees, I plowed all the paths through the fallen leaves. Trying to understand why this was happening to me and looking for answers to the question of what it was supposed to show me, bring me, or give me. In my ears rang my grandfather’s words that every situation in life has enormous significance for us. And the most complicated situations tend to have the greatest impact on our progress forward…
With hindsight, I realize what a miracle it was that I survived this period in good health. Because my son slept a lot at that time, I had hours to immerse myself in my essence.
I couldn’t focus on anything and didn’t know how to stop my life, which was rushing like a loose wagon on the tracks, and direct it in another direction. Fear of what would come gripped my whole being, and I couldn’t detach from thoughts that were tearing my heart. I couldn’t sleep, eat properly, and didn’t want to talk about anything. I felt terrible.
Today I know that I almost gave up all my plans at the moment when my life fulfillment was within reach. Even though it didn’t look that way at all at first glance…
I still remember the day when I was nostalgically rummaging through the drawer of memories. I sat exhausted on the kitchen floor, looking at photos, reading notes in diaries from past years, and looking for some lifeline.
Everything took a quick turn when a photograph fell out, in which I was immortalized with a wise man in equatorial Africa. I was there on a charity mission to help; he had lived there for years. A European in the middle of the wilderness. A fountain of wisdom.
Besides, he was also a well-known writer, writing under a pseudonym about personal development. Back then, we talked for hours and hours, every day after work, for weeks. The central theme was the law of attraction and awakening human potential in the subconscious. He told me his personal story and how he gained experience from the worst stage of his life, thanks to which he began to live exactly as he always wanted.
How could I have forgotten? I had been carrying the project of my dreams in my head for years. So why couldn’t I now detach from my pain and finally start creating a life according to my own script?
My head was filled with hours I had meditated at the foot of the Laotian mountains, stays in darkness, yoga sessions, and other processes that shaped me when I traveled around the world.
I remembered that as a little girl, I read books with my grandfather in German originals that dealt with this universal process. Life stages came back to me when I tried recommended processes, sometimes with less and sometimes with more success.
I had known since childhood that there are things between heaven and earth and that these things work. My grandmother and my great-grandmother were always very connected with natural laws. They knew the phases of the moon and the influence of full moons and new moons on our emotional state. Medicines were forbidden in our house, and I don’t remember anyone ever being sick.
I grew up in the belief that our mind can heal our body and that the only thing that matters is our own conviction and faith.
I returned in my thoughts to a time 20 years ago when I attended seminars abroad where people gathered who understood the influence of energies on their lives and could create their reality. Back then, I read lots of books on this topic. The idea of the law of attraction is clear, like attracts like, the same attracts the same…
I realized that I had merely strayed from my path for a moment, and instead of consciously taking the reins of my life, I voluntarily cast myself in the role of a victim. Suddenly it seemed absurd to me that, because of immense pain, I didn’t want to see such a clear universal definition. After all, through my pain and sadness, I was attracting more and more…
For too long, I had unconsciously remained in the role of a victim and bathed in negative feelings that flooded my soul. I said enough.
The moment I realized this, I embarked on a journey that changed absolutely everything. First, I started fulfilling my dreams. I got into the final of the Czech Republic Seeks Female Writers competition and started the Detoxify Life blog. I completed international certification in neurolinguistic psychotherapy and other courses. The first exhibition of my paintings took place, which I dedicated to the memory of my mother, who always supported me in painting. But most importantly, every single day I devoted at least two hours to mental techniques through which one can create miracles. And I began to create my own specific techniques through which anyone can direct their life in a beneficial way.
Today I can write that the combination of mental work on oneself, hand in hand with perseverance and patience in implementing individual steps, is the key to being able to live what you dream of. The Detoxify Life project is here precisely so that you are not alone on this path if you feel that you need support. From my perspective, every being has the potential to change their reality, which may currently seem burdensome, painful, and desolate. It is necessary to do something about it. Decide, persevere in pursuing your intention, and patiently change stubborn unhelpful beliefs that dominate our minds.
Today, the Detoxify Life project is followed by 86,000 people on Facebook. Over 100,000 beings who have decided to change their reality have my books at home, and thousands of you regularly attend my talks, seminars, workshops, conscious camps, or new book launches.
I understood that in every life stage, it is possible to bounce back from the bottom, sell your experiences, skills, and know-how. What you can do, what you have experienced, and what you are good at. It is always possible to push away those layers of doubt that we have inside and search for your childhood desires. Sure, it’s not easy, but if you decide, nothing can stop you.
I understood that everything is about being truly authentic, opening up, sharing your journey, story, your gifts, and vision. Being yourself, doing what fulfills you and by which you simultaneously help people. That’s what each of our missions is about, after all.
From heart to heart Baru
A recording of my appearance on Czech National Television.
Moments that shaped Barbora’s inspiring journey.
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